There are a few different ways to roll as a male porno star- especially when it comes to on-set behavior. You know what it all reminds me of? High school. I’ve witnessed some key examples: 

1) The Jokester- The guy that’s always “on”, a real actor-type who appears to be trying too hard to impress the ladies. Did nobody tell this guy that it’s a sure thing when you get booked to bone in a porno scene? (Flashback: Total nerd in high school. Not trying to be mean, but it just reaks of the class clown.) 

2) Too Cool for School- You know the type. Rolls in like he couldn’t care less, is monosyllabic, pulls some cheesy moves on the ladies, but lays low, often wearing sunglasses for most of this down time, while around on his phone like he’s important. (Flashback: Lead singer of the metal band? Jock? I’m not sure-I rolled with the nerds). 

3) The Nice Guy- He likes everyone, doesn’t pay too much or too little attention to the ladies, but just enough. He chats up the makeup artist, production assistant, sips coca cola in a communal place and cracks jokes with the director- but not too many. (Flashback: The crossover nerd- he might have done theatre, but he also played soccer, was a mentor, and went on to study political science and oral sex in college- a happy fellow). 

4) The Perv- Yeah, that guy. He’s the one that wants a piece of everything. He’s all up on the girls, whistles, purses his lips, wears tight pants, does a lot of leaning and smacking asses as they walk by. (Flashback: The head of student council, threw the keg parties when the ‘rents were outa’ town-king of the douchebags. Enough said). 

5) Smoove Operator: And no, I don’t mean smooth. I mean smoooooove. I’ve only met one guy that falls into this category- and everyone wants a piece. The porn starlets, the makeup artists, wardrobe, production assistant/manager, director… they all want up on this shit. He’s big, he’s gorgeous, he remembers everybody’s name, has a killer smile… melts hearts. (Flashback: Do I even need to say? The heart throb. Whoever he was.) 

Wow- high school all over again. At least the rest of us can (selfishly) take comfort in the fact that while women working in porn may get the benefit of well-endowed men, at the end of the day they’re facing what we are all facing when it comes to the bros- the same shit from back in the day. 

Damn.