Oh, you guys, did I ever have a pregnancy test yesterday. A test of will, that is.
While out and about for my (day) job, I was speaking to a pregnant woman, and her (slightly senior) father. He said to me,
“Hey, looks like you have something cooking in the oven there, too, eh?” Wink wink. My response (with a smile, I might add),
“Nope, just fat! But, you are the first person to ever ask me if I’m pregnant- which is every fat girl’s nightmare, so thank you. I’ll remember you forever.” Blink blink. Smile.
His daughter slapped his big beer belly and exclaimed,
“Yeah, looks like the only two people here who are pregnant are me and YOU, pops!” Nice treatment, sister!
Truthfully, this was a glorious moment for me- for two reasons. The first of which is, in fact, that I think I have been subconsciously awaiting the day that someone would actually ask me that question, and it feels damn good to get it out of the way. And the second reason is that I was totally prepared to answer it, and thanks to the one and only Joy Nash and her amazing Fat Rant videos. Joy, you fucking ROCK.
Wasn’t my response awesome?!!!! Come on, let me (and Joy) get some props.
Life is good, and this belly ain’t getting in my way, and you can be sure as shit that neither is that lame old man’s.
:)
4 responses so far ↓
1 jessica // Sep 3, 2008 at 12:04 pm
you’re my hero!!!!! that is the way you DEBATE.
2 Varla Vex // Sep 3, 2008 at 6:34 pm
are you fucking for real? I mean, not to belittle your fantastic response, but REALLY? He really asked you if you were preggers? And using those words? I am totally blown away…
3 Joy Nash // Sep 13, 2008 at 1:06 pm
awww YAY!!!
That’s just fucking awesome.
I’m beaming like a proud parent.
It wouldn’t have been any use there, but I just heard another one for when fat guys are poked in the gut and asked something like “What, do you have a baby in there?” .. Then the fat guy reaches for his zipper and says “No, it’s not a baby. It’s an elephant. You wanna see it’s trunk?”
Good work sister!
4 babymama // Sep 15, 2008 at 1:09 pm
I had a drag queen ask me if I was pregnant. I blame the billowy shirt I was wearing and my tight-ass jeans that look like stretch pants. My response was mos def not as wa-BAM as yours. I just said, “Oh, I wish!” and smiled. Best part was that I had a cig in one hand and a beer in the other. Go figure.
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