OK, yes, I know that tomorrow is election day everywhere. Thanks. But there’s some interesting stuff happening here in CA, and it’s all very close to Shady’s heart. We’ll be voting on 12 ballot initiatives, and at least two of them, aimed directly at the heart of human rights and social justice, would amend the California state constitution.

First, we have Proposition 4, which one half of Shady has been diligently working her tits off to defeat. Proposition 4 would require the parents of minors to be notified if they seek out an abortion, and it’s wrong on so many levels. In a cruel twist, it provides three supposed “options” for teens who can’t go to their parents: a judicial waiver; a parental waiver; and going to another family member, which would lead to a charge of abuse being filed against the teen’s parents. These three completely unworkable options will leave teens who need the most help with the least.

Proponents of the initiative have also made some ludicrous claims, including that the legal consequences of their actions will stop teens from having sex in the first place. I mean, maybe these people were born at the age of thirty. I don’t know. But I sure as shit can’t picture 16-year-old me pausing the make-out session to consider the very subtle and intricate ins and outs of a law that I wasn’t even old enough to vote on, and in all likelihood don’t know a damn thing about. Nope, most teens will find out about Prop 4 well after the fact, and then let’s just hope (as, apparently, the Yes on 4 campaign is doing) that they don’t have parents who abuse them, kick them out, or want to force them into carrying a pregnancy.

Then, we have Proposition 8, aptly titled “Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry.” I have yet to hear any good reason for eliminating the rights of anyone, and so far, the only thing that the Yes on 8 campaign can seem to come up with is that it will be taught in schools (God forbid every kid, including gays and lesbians, feel like school is a safe place for them…but that’s another story). And if that’s the best they’ve got, that’s not only sad, it’s scary - because it’s a lie. California schools are required to tell parents when they’re teaching sensitive stuff in the classroom, and that includes marriage. Parents can then opt their kids out of those lessons.

Have they made any legitimate arguments, you ask? Well, over and over, we’ve heard the no-longer-code phrase for “Vote yes if you think being gay is wrong”: “Protect Traditional Marriage.” If you think being gay is wrong, my advice is that you lock yourself safely inside your place of worship, since that’s likely where your feelings come from, and forget that the world outside exists. There, you will not be forced to interact with anyone who has any opposing views, nor will you have to accept anyone who seems even slightly different than you. Sounds nice, doesn’t it? Now get on in there. Shady will happily slip refreshments under your door periodically.