Recently I decided to switch over from my 10-years-and-counting form of birth control - the trusty pill - to something a little newer. I decided to get down with the sexually active kids (is that weird?), and so I went to my doc and got a prescription for the ring.

I guess I started off at a disadvantage, because I’m not really all that keen on “putting things up there,” and if you’ve ever seen the ring you know that it’s a flexible circle that squishes to go up the vag and rest quietly, unnoticed, alongside the cervix. Once placed, I had my doubts about it’s staying power. Would I really not feel it during sex? Would it really not get knocked around and eventually jiggle out (awk)?

As if those two concerns weren’t enough, there’s also the small issue of my being a total ‘chondriac. As in hypo-. Every migraine is a tumor, every toothache a death sentence. So when I found out after popping the little guy in that ring users saw a higher instance of blood clots, and then a few days later I experienced a leg cramp, I was debilitated with fear for the entire evening. I couldn’t eat or sleep, certain that this day was, tragically, my last.

You’ll be happy to know that I’m fine, but now - a week into it - I’m afraid that this ring of fire might be throwing off my pH balance, resulting in the shame and mortification of a yeast infection. I’ll keep you posted on how that turns out, but for now the verdict on the ring is: Undecided.