So, what did I do over the holidays, you ask? Basically three things: 

1. Obsessed over the Twilight books and read all four of them in 3 days. 

2. Moved to a new crib. 

3. Repeat #1, then see the Twilight movie… twice. 

Okay, I will admit that I’m less than proud of my behavior. Young adult romance novels involving vampires and humans falling in love… super trashy. Well, it’s cool for 14yo’s, but let’s be real, I’m pushing dirty thirty (as I’ve mentioned). Not so cute for the ladies in my age bracket. 

Now, these books are glorious. I highly recommend them for pretty much everybody. Even my oh-so-tolerant man braved the movie on xmas day (all Jews go to the movies on xmas day, clearly) and didn’t hate it. He wasn’t enraged by the inconsistencies with the books like someone… he was more the shrug-it-was-entertaining type. Fair. 

So, to redeem myself a tad (and cleanse, to be honest) let’s take a closer look at some of the not-so-feminist aspects of this series (here come the spoilers): 

1. The vampire teen-man with super strength must be uber gentle with the fragile human teen girl lest he break her (or eat her, god forbid…) in a fit of passion. Aka, they can’t even go to second base. And oh, no, he can’t possibly eat her… must resist… 

2. He doesn’t want to her to see her werewolf BFF, and she goes along with it (pretty much) because she’d die without her true love, so he trumps all.

3. He won’t change her into a vampire because he wants to save her soul. Actually, she needs to get boned by him, not saved (and I’m not being a teen-perv, this is explicit in the books- she’s wants to bone, he “can’t” risk her safety).

4. He won’t “change her” (or have sex with her) until they are married. HUH?! I guess this is where the author Stephanie Meyer’s self-proclaimed Mormon values come into play. Really lame (and gross). 

5. “Imprinting” (aka soul mates finding one another) between two grown men/werewolves and BABY girls. Don’t worry, they wait for the girls to grow up before tapping that. Yikes! 

6. Super bitter (but incredibly beautiful) vampire sister who is resentful because she never got to have a baby as a human. Because all women want is to have babies… 

7. Main character would rather die than kill her vampire/human baby even though it’s killing her. Yeah, barfing blood, destroying her organs killing her. Am I paranoid or is that some anti-choice shit, or just a crazy choice? Not sure… 

8. Again, werewolves “imprinting” on baby human girls. Yeah, I’m still stuck on that. So creepy! 

I’m done. 

There is plenty to be grossed out by in this series. But all in all, it didn’t make me mad. It made me resent my man for not being completely obsessed with me and focused on protecting me. I’m such a feminist. Good for me. Guess what else it did? Made me mourn my high school years. Because really, everything goes down hill after high school. All of our senses are dulled out, there’s no romance, and all of a sudden we wake up and why wash my hair? It just makes my arms tired. 

Okay, I stole that. That was for you, Jessica.