I’ve been trying to resist the urge to write about this, but it’s been bugging me for days… so, here goes… Jessica from Feministing (not to be confused with our very own Shady Jessica) wrote a post the other day about her impending marriage, which apparently she’s been keeping a secret from her readers. Now, while I completely understand the need to have a personal life when you’re a blogger, I’m irritated by much of her “confession”. She writes,

After thinking about this for a while, I realized that I don’t feel like I had to blog about getting married - I wanted to. I wanted to share some good news with a community that I love and am proud to have had a hand in creating.

I’m positive you’ll be hearing more from me on the marriage front: Like how to do it while shirking patriarchal tradition? Or why I decided to participate in an institution that still (for the most part) excludes same-sex couples.

Really?! Did you really just want to share the good news, or rather explain yourself to a community that you “love” (translation: are afraid is going to judge you for getting married while gay couples still can’t)?

I’m a married woman, and yes, I identify as feminist. I also identify as queer, Jewish, bitchy and slutty. Who cares?! The bottom line is that nobody can opt out. We may try to- some of us choose not to buy items made in China, not to shop at stores that don’t allow employees to unionize, not to eat meat, not to buy SUVs, etc. But at the end of the day, every single thing we touch is part of the system that we both benefit from and are disgusted by at the same time.

So why go public with an apology (essentially) for getting married?! You found someone you love, who loves you, who wants to be with you everyday- congrats! Do you need to qualify it by telling us how you’re going to try to “do it while shirking patriarchal tradition”?! Yeah, well, it’s not gonna’ happen. Marriage is covered in patriarchal tradition- it’s tainted, it’s done. It doesn’t make it any less legit that you want to be a part of it. Guess what? A lot of people do. That’s why so many of us are part of coalitions working to ensure that all people have access to the nasty, blood-stained, battered tradition that gives me and my husband our glorious tax break and discount on our car insurance.

Stop apologizing. It’s gross. Mazel Tov.