So, this east side Jew who barely makes it west of Vermont went out in Hollywood last night. Oh, yeah, on Cahuenga for that matter, to Beauty Bar. Ugh. I only went because it was the birthday of a friend, and I rolled deep (read: brought a lot of friends to act as a giant airbag for impending collision with the major suck that is Hollywood on a Saturday night). 

The party was alright until midnight, when all of a sudden the whiskey haze gave way to a very clear vision of something not so hot: all of the women were dressed in the same outfit (except for me). While standing outside of the bar, the ladies were going by in droves, all clad in: 

1) Tube dress barely covering ass (colors varied from black to white to black, that was it) with tig-ol’-biddies lifted up and out

2) Giant heels 

3) Big hair (extensions), dark eyes

Huh?? Did I not get the memo?! Oh, wait, naw, I didn’t. This Jew was wearing a belted sweater and some jeans. That’s tradition. So, was this just a coincidence, or are all ladies dressing the same these days? And I’m a slutty bitch, so don’t get me wrong here, but what happened to the allure of something a little less… like you forgot to put your pants on? 

Oh… shit. I know EXACTLY what this is… 

I’m too old to be kicking it in Hollywood at the Beauty Bar. I’m like the sister in Knocked Up who gets turned away from the club because she’s “old as hell”. 

Let the shame spiral take me down…