Little known fact: I listen to the Ryan Seacrest morning show on KIIS FM in the car on the way to work. Whatev, go ahead and hate. But up until today, I’ll admit I was a bit smitten with that self-deprecating Ryan. Awwww, he really hates himself and is so pathetic. Awww, he’s so funny and sweet, but also strangely hilarious. Awwww, all he really has going for him is the fact that women feel sorry for him. So adorable and entertaining. 

But today, Ryan, you let me down. 

This morning him and Ellen (his co-host) were talking about Bret Michaels and his reality love show, Rock of Love. A little snap-shot here, just in case you aren’t familiar. Hilar. And pretty gnarly.

Granted, the show is tacky. Fair. But here’s the enlightened tid-bit that Ryan had to add, 

Maybe Bret hasn’t found true love because all the women on the show are either strippers or porn stars or groupies. You need to find a nice girl, Bret! 

Ew. Gag me. Did you really just say that, Ryan?! I took out my monogramed leather case that carries glorious note cards with grid lines (I’m a Jew, I take my notes in style) and straight up wrote that shit down while driving I was so disgusted. 

There is so much to say. But really, bottom line is: WHY YOU GOTTA HATE, Ryan?! Do you really think that strippers and porn stars fall into one category, and nice girls fall into another? Do you mean to imply that nice girls don’t like sex, or wouldn’t dare make money off of their bodies? Gross. Are women really that easy to figure out, Ryan?! I guess so since your love life has been oh-so-successful… NOT. (Yeah, I’m bringing back NOT). 

Of course the vacant women who co-host the show (that means you, Ellen, and you, other one who is boring as hell but got to have dinner with Kanye and Common last night, I hate you), you’re no better.

They’re two-cents included, 

Yeah, that show is all skanks calling eachother skanks! 

And, 

Those girls are tramps! 

AHHHHH!!!!! Way to make this Jew angry on the way into work! That went ahead and set a bad tone for the day. All I wanted to talk about was how great strippers and porn stars are (fuck groupies, who cares), and how complex and interesting we all are as women. You know, how we can do something we enjoy for work, and have hobbies, interests, families, talents and all kinds of facets of our personalities. It’s really amazing that we can be so complicated (wink, wink). 

I’ll be switching over to Big Boy in the Mornin’ full time now, peeps. I’d much rather listen to hilarious phone taps than a bunch of woman-hating crackers talk a bunch of bullshit in the morning. Jesus.