This is what I’ve been seeing everywhere lately. Hickies. Hickies at Trader Joes. Hickies at the coffee shop. Hickies at the gas station. Hickies. Hickies. HICKIES?!
WHAT THE FUCK??!!
Does this say something about me, and the company I keep? No. Nobody I know has been sporting these, please. And on the issue almost all of my friends have said,
“Man, I haven’t had a hickie since… college.”
Yeah, exactly. Hickies were kind of okay in the ’90s. And I can actually remember the last time this Jew had one, because it was the first AND last time. 1999, sophomore year in college. It was the day before my mom was coming to visit me, and my booty-call-buddy (a notch down from friends-with-benefits, because really, we weren’t friends, we just boned) gave me something utterly atrocious. It wasn’t JUST a hickie. It was a series of connecting hickies.
What’s more terrifying than a series of hickies when your classy Jew-mom is coming to visit you? Not much. Needless to say, I rocked a lovely summer scarf for that visit and put the smack down on that booty-call-buddy. Oy, to this day I’m still mortified just thinking that maybe (just maybe) she got a sneak peek at that nastiness. AHHH!
But I digress…
LISTEN: For all of you hickie-sporting douchebags out there… get it together. It’s 2009, and you’re too old for that shit. Nobody thinks it’s cute, nobody thinks it’s hot. So lock it up.
6 responses so far ↓
1 jessica // Mar 3, 2009 at 10:21 pm
you lock it up! jk, never lock it up. hilarious. i think i had a hickie once too. i think i spelled it with a “y” when i had it, though.
anyway, really?? you know people with hickies?? fucking gross!
2 Vincent // Mar 4, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Sara, you fucking rock! So fucking gross… Like dogs marking their territories.
3 Kate // Mar 4, 2009 at 5:38 pm
gross.
never had one… not to say that no one tried. I think i’m just immune. thank god!
4 sara // Mar 4, 2009 at 8:06 pm
i’ll kill you. i checked, and it’s correct with spell with with an “ie” or a “y”. ye of little faith.
5 jessica // Mar 4, 2009 at 8:17 pm
little faith! i said “i spelled it” to leave room for the possibility that maybe you spelled it differently (albeit, wrong).
jeez. you jumped down this jew’s throat.
6 sara // Mar 4, 2009 at 8:56 pm
you hate me. ;)
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