Out last night with some dear girlfriends, clucking away like a bunch of fucking hens, we touched on something… touchy. Madonna. Whore. Can’t we just go ahead and be them both already?

To preface, let me say that I spent the vast majority of my young adult years (18-28ish) acting like a fucking idiot. That’s right, I’m not afraid to admit it. I used men for sex. I used men to feel powerful. I sought out men that fulfilled those exact needs. Control. Power. 

Quickly that became dull, because sex comes easy when you’re a woman who talks a big game, has a brain and can get “what she wants” in bed. That’s easy. What’s not easy? Realizing that you need it all and finding the strength to go for it. As women, we’re multi-faceted (duh) and especially when it comes to what we want in a partner, and in bed. To illustrate, let’s just call out a few things that many of us want that might seem to be mutually exclusive: 

1) To be treated like a queen

2) To be fucked like a whore

3) To be held when we’re sad

4) To be listened to

5) To be told to shut up

6) To be told that we’re beautiful 

7) To be respected in our decisions

8) To ask for help

9) To be asked for help

The list goes on and on. On the surface, it might seem that we don’t make any fucking sense at all. And gentlemen, if you feel that way, then you’re clearly not quite a man (or a woman). Sorry, darlin’, so listen up.

Bottom line, it’s okay to have conflicting needs and behaviors that support them. Yeah, that’s right, we’re whores and we’re your damn muse up in here. Tonight I might want to have some nasty, sloppy hate sex, but tomorrow I’m gonna’ want you to run your financial decisions by me and pick up the dry-cleaning. And why can’t I have it all? Oh, wait, I can.

I might wanna’ get my fat ass up on a stripper pole and drop it like it’s hot, maybe grind my vagi around in front of your nose, I don’t know, I don’t know if I’ll have enough time. But I’ll also want to sit in that meeting the next day in my business casual outfit and get some damn respect (and dollah bills, yo) for this wicked little mind of mine. Why is that so hard to understand? Sometimes I feel like we’ve come a long way- like I can have it all. And then someone gives me that look, the one that says,

Well, if you’re a whore, then you can’t really be a Madonna, too, dear.

I’ll kill you. In relationships, work, sex and every other facet of my life, I think I’ll just be all of the above. Go ahead, try and stop me.