Yeah, that’s right. NOTHING. 

Why did I go to the mall today??? I’ve been asking myself this question all afternoon. I was in a completely decent good mood this morning- had some coffee, walked the dogs, saw my girls, and then I went astray. I thought to myself, “What a nice little Sunday, maybe I’ll go to the Glendale Galleria and hit Nordstrom and see if they’re having a sale”. 

BAD IDEA.

Nothing huge went down, just the usual BULLSHIT that comes with going to that hell hole…

1) The parking lot is a clusterfuck full of idiots waiting for spots on the first level instead of just driving up higher to where all the spots are. Oh, and families let their children run wild in the isles where cars are fucking driving.

2) The place smells weird. Kinda’ like people have gotten warm while shopping and shlepping bullshit and have sweaty pits.

3) (Main pet peeve- what really pushed me over the edge) Why do people at the mall walk SO SLOWLY and practically arm in arm with their friends so you can’t get by them and have to walk behind their slow asses???? I was there for business. For one store (okay, I peeked in at Michael Kors but even resisted the high pressure 40% off sale items), I didn’t go to fuck around. 

Anyways, this has happened before- where I start a day off on the right foot and then shit goes downhill fast because I decide to try and entertain myself by shopping, only to be reminded of the cold, hard reality that shopping sucks. 

Where do I go??? Where can a Jew go to shop and no encounter a giant, idiot invested clusterfuck that leaves residual frustration on the brain for the rest of the fucking day??? 

Clearly, I need a margarita.