Let me recount a story from this weekend for you…

It was just a nice little Saturday with Jessica. Susina for coffee, the Grove for shopping. We hit Nordstroms, naturally. After all that shopping we got hungry, so we stopped for a snack (first Jews ever to patronize Johnny Rocket’s).

Then it went down.

While laughing (at someone’s expense, I imagine), I was suddenly startled. According to Jessica, I made a face. A face that said, “Oh what the heyell?”. 

“Dude, my tampon just went out of whack, and now it’s pinching me.” I had to share with her. Jessica nearly died she laughed so hard. 

But what the fuck, man? How does that HAPPEN? I mean, there I was doing pretty much nothing, and what? What went down? Nothing went down. But all of a sudden my vagina screamed out because my tamp was attacking it. Did is slide down from the force of laughter? Did it wiggle it’s way out in retaliation or self-defense? Does this 29yo Jew have a loose va-jay-jay? No entiendo, people. No entiendo. 

And you know what, this wasn’t the first time. It’s happened before, and it was equally perplexing then. 

The remedy? Shimmy around awkwardly (like I did in the booth at Johnny Rocket’s), or hit the loo and adjust manually. Fucking tampons. There should be a warning on the box: 

Use caution when opening legs, tampon may have shifted in flight.